'The Dance After the Last Dance' is playing at Lincoln Center!

TL;DR

I directed/acted in a short film, 'The Dance After the Last Dance.' This is my solo directing debut, and the film has been accepted into four film festivals (so far). The schedule is at the bottom of this post if you want to see the film. View the trailer, read the director's statement, and stay up to date on screenings via my film's website: thedanceafter.com

LONGER VERSION

There have been a few moments when I've felt my capacity to handle "life" was stretched to its limit. In those moments, when I am raw and clinging to existence, I often have a vision of stunning clarity - as if a lifeline is being tossed my way. Those visions typically come in the form of creative expression, when my logical patterns of coping no longer apply.

I had such an experience at the height of lockdown. Gabriel and I were dancing blindfolded together. At one point, I felt the heaviness of all that I was carrying emotionally drop away – like a weighted backpack finally being tossed off. For the first time in over a year, my heart felt free. People often associate freedom with joy – and while that can sometimes be true, this freedom opened a space where my body (often in hypervigilance) could slow down enough to feel.

From this open space, I felt the collective grief of the world – whether it was from the deaths of those we loved or from the emotional loss of friends and family separated by miles (or a mere six feet). I had a vision that Gabriel was dead, and that I was dancing with his ghost. This dance would be the final opportunity for me to share everything I had ever wanted to share with him. In dancing with his metaphorical death, my own capacity to be present – in all of life’s gorgeous and heart wrenching complexity – came back to life. It was through this vision that ‘The Dance After the Last Dance’ was born. I wanted to transmit through film the healing power of movement, darkness, and private grief witnessed collectively.

It took me about six months to finally gather the courage to see if there was a 'there' there cinematically. I called Mer al'Dao - a frequent collaborator of mine and Gabriel's. I appreciate her sensitivity and respect for the organic process of filmmaking. It invited the trust needed for my emotional life to unfold. Her cinematography woven through Gabriel's camerawork (along with Adrian Stratulat's editing) created a tapestry of distance and closeness - and of tightly wound emotions and catharsis.

I was lucky to have Bobby Brinkerhoff join the project. His original sound design and music brought the film home in so many ways. His composition gently interlaces both the lighter, more ethereal notes with the heavier swells in a haunting score that captures the range of emotions one can have when losing a beloved: joy, rage, heartbreak, and grief.

Never did I think that this little piece would make it to Lincoln Center in New York City, where it will play as part of the 51st Annual Dance on Camera Film Festival. The film will also have its world premiere at Dance Camera West, an exciting dance film fest in LA. I'll also be part of the NYC Indie Theatre Film Fest, a cool festival that celebrate theatre artists branching out into digital media. And I'll be bringing it home to the Alameda Film Fest, which screened the short film I wrote, Generations, back in 2018.

I hope to see friends, old and new, at some of the screenings. Or, maybe a future screening at another festival (fingers crossed).

Thank you Gabriel for dancing with me. Thank you Mer, Bobby, and Adrian joining me on this tender little journey. And thank you to all the teachers who taught me that healing happens through the body.

SCHEDULE

• Dance Camera West - January 20, 2023, at 7pm at the Barnsdall Gallery Theatre in Los Angeles

• Dance on Camera, part of Dance Films Association & Film at Lincoln Center - February 11, 2023, at 8:15pm at Lincoln Center, NYC.

• NYC Indie Theatre Film Festival - Feb 16-19 (screening time TBD) at the New Ohio Theatre + online

• Alameda International Film Festival - February 18, 2023 at 3:15pm and February 19, 2023 at 11am at the The Historic Alameda Theatre & Cineplex

"The Dance After the Last Dance" will premiere at Dance Camera West

Well, 2022 was a busy time creatively for me. And I have a feeling 2023 will be even busier. First stop - attending the world premiere of my short film, The Dance After the Last Dance.

I had a vision of this film back in 2021. I was dancing blindfolded with Gabriel and I imagined that I was dancing with his ghost. From there, the film took hold of my mind until we finally shot, edited, and brought in Bobby Brinkerhoff’s amazing music and sound design.

So, on January 20, 2023, at 7pm I’ll finally see the film on the big screen in Los Angeles as part of the Dance Camera West film festival. Tickets to the Friday Night Short Program One are available now.

View the Dance Camera West 2023 trailer below and look out for me at 1:25.

"Too Much," co-directed by Candice Holdorf and Gabriel Diamond, is now available

The music video I co-directed/co-edited with Gabriel Diamond, "Too Much," is now public. It's been a vulnerable dive into my edge as an artist as well as a woman who moves through spaces where I don't always feel safe. Huge love to Morgan Bolender and Scott Ferreter of The Feelings Parade for trusting us with this tender project. Big love to the talented Mar al'Dao for her beautiful camera work. In addition to watching the video below, you can also read an article about the making of “Too Much” on Glide Magazine’s website.

"Generations" wins Audience Favorite Award at the 2020 Riverside International Film Festival

Excited to announce that Generations - the short film I wrote - won the Audience Favorite Award: Short Film at the Riverside International Film Festival! Grateful to the team of Generations, especially George Maguire who trusted me with this story, and RIFF who still ran a wonderful festival online - despite SIP. A reminder of how vital art and artists are at this time #womeninfilm #womenwriters #lgbtq #generations #riff2020

A "Portrait" Before Quarantine

As I sit here, nearly 2 weeks after the shelter-in-place mandate was enacted in the Bay Area, I feel grateful and privileged that I was able to perform my one-woman show only a few days before the mandate went into effect. The show, Portrait of the Heretic as a Young Woman, debuted at the Rogue Festival in Fresno, CA the first two weekends in March.

The show is a 45-minute exploration of finding Jesus in the unlikeliest places—at my grandfather’s funeral, in a run-down hotel in Jerusalem, and at an evangelical youth retreat in the Deep South. Each vignette goes one layer deeper into the eternal question: When did we lose connection with our spiritual and erotic truth—and how do we reclaim it? In the play, I share my quest for personal meaning, my battle with anorexia, the pain of divorce, and my teenage shame of finding eroticism in Jesus—long before I was supposed to know about such things.

While the show certainly remains rough around the edges, it feels like a fitting metaphor for my current quarantined state—wandering, uncertain, embryonic, fumbling through faith, and searching for meaning in what seems to be a hopeless situation.

I know there will be more Portrait to come. The words, the directing, the story are forming—something rumbling and tumbling, like a stone in running water, that is taking shape during this time of viral-enforced hibernation.

For now, I will leave you with a few words from some of the audience members who graciously came to see the show at the Rogue.

~ Phenomenal

~ A moving performance

~ Wide-ranging personal theatre

~ Profound insights

~ Powerful performer and skilled personal storyteller

~ Bravely brings to life vivid and vulnerable moments

~ Very engaging actress

~ A heartfelt testimony of faith

You can also read a personal artist statement that I wrote for Kings River Life a few weeks before the show premiered.