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San Francisco, CA
United States

Candice Holdorf

AEA/SAG-AFTRA

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'The Dance After the Last Dance' is playing at Lincoln Center!

Candice Holdorf

TL;DR

I directed/acted in a short film, 'The Dance After the Last Dance.' This is my solo directing debut, and the film has been accepted into four film festivals (so far). The schedule is at the bottom of this post if you want to see the film. View the trailer, read the director's statement, and stay up to date on screenings via my film's website: thedanceafter.com

LONGER VERSION

There have been a few moments when I've felt my capacity to handle "life" was stretched to its limit. In those moments, when I am raw and clinging to existence, I often have a vision of stunning clarity - as if a lifeline is being tossed my way. Those visions typically come in the form of creative expression, when my logical patterns of coping no longer apply.

I had such an experience at the height of lockdown. Gabriel and I were dancing blindfolded together. At one point, I felt the heaviness of all that I was carrying emotionally drop away – like a weighted backpack finally being tossed off. For the first time in over a year, my heart felt free. People often associate freedom with joy – and while that can sometimes be true, this freedom opened a space where my body (often in hypervigilance) could slow down enough to feel.

From this open space, I felt the collective grief of the world – whether it was from the deaths of those we loved or from the emotional loss of friends and family separated by miles (or a mere six feet). I had a vision that Gabriel was dead, and that I was dancing with his ghost. This dance would be the final opportunity for me to share everything I had ever wanted to share with him. In dancing with his metaphorical death, my own capacity to be present – in all of life’s gorgeous and heart wrenching complexity – came back to life. It was through this vision that ‘The Dance After the Last Dance’ was born. I wanted to transmit through film the healing power of movement, darkness, and private grief witnessed collectively.

It took me about six months to finally gather the courage to see if there was a 'there' there cinematically. I called Mer al'Dao - a frequent collaborator of mine and Gabriel's. I appreciate her sensitivity and respect for the organic process of filmmaking. It invited the trust needed for my emotional life to unfold. Her cinematography woven through Gabriel's camerawork (along with Adrian Stratulat's editing) created a tapestry of distance and closeness - and of tightly wound emotions and catharsis.

I was lucky to have Bobby Brinkerhoff join the project. His original sound design and music brought the film home in so many ways. His composition gently interlaces both the lighter, more ethereal notes with the heavier swells in a haunting score that captures the range of emotions one can have when losing a beloved: joy, rage, heartbreak, and grief.

Never did I think that this little piece would make it to Lincoln Center in New York City, where it will play as part of the 51st Annual Dance on Camera Film Festival. The film will also have its world premiere at Dance Camera West, an exciting dance film fest in LA. I'll also be part of the NYC Indie Theatre Film Fest, a cool festival that celebrate theatre artists branching out into digital media. And I'll be bringing it home to the Alameda Film Fest, which screened the short film I wrote, Generations, back in 2018.

I hope to see friends, old and new, at some of the screenings. Or, maybe a future screening at another festival (fingers crossed).

Thank you Gabriel for dancing with me. Thank you Mer, Bobby, and Adrian joining me on this tender little journey. And thank you to all the teachers who taught me that healing happens through the body.

SCHEDULE

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categories Film
tags The Dance After the Last Dance, Blindfolded Contact, Dance Camera West, Dance on Camera, Lincoln Center, NYC Indie Theatre Film Fest, New Ohio Theatre, alameda film festival